Monday, January 8, 2001

Dear Kate,

In an effort to get with my finish-what-you-started mantra, I peeked at some old files on my laptop this morning and found a few things I started writing, but didn't finish to my satisfaction at the time. A potluck of those ponderings follow:

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(Originally dated 11/29/00) I saw a really good movie over the weekend. Pay It Forward is about changing the world with random acts of pure kindness, and rather than paying someone back for such a special and meaningful favor, each person would pay the favor forward, threefold. Then each of those three would help three people and so on, and so on, and so on.

It's not a terribly hard concept.

I suppose it can be difficult to carry out, just like the little boy in the movie did. It just feels good to do good things. It should be more natural than it is these days, for people in general.

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(Originally dated 12/01/00) I'm pretty sure I've read this in several places--be they self-help or spiritual books or both--that frustration and anger are usually born out of the fact that you feel like you don't have control over a situation. Dr. Phil McGraw said essentially the same thing on Oprah recently. It makes sense. If someone isn't doing what you want them to do--and you cannot control how they act--you get angry or frustrated. If you do something and someone doesn't respond the way you want them to, you get angry or frustrated.

But I think that if you can keep that in mind when you are feeling angry or frustrated--that there's something you are looking to control--it can help you move your focus to the one thing you do have control over--yourself.

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(Originally dated 12/6/00) I try really hard to be a good person. But one bad day seems enough to wipe clean any good I might have previously done. Why is that? Why do I mess up so badly sometimes that it ruins anything good I've created?

What am I talking about? I'm talking about...[This is the part where the right words just pop into my mind and I can fill in the blank and everything becomes clear.]

No such luck.

I'm trying to talk about my job without talking about work. I am meanest to the nicest people. I am fair, but sometimes I am not aware of everything I need to be aware of in order to be more fair. I am appreciative of my staff and all they do. I don't really like being just their boss.

I miss having friends--real friends, not just people I'm friendly with--at work.

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That's all for now.

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