Tuesday, March 27, 2001

Dear Kate,

We all seem to go through life learning at a different pace than someone else. When I wrote my list of things I learned last year, I said to myself: "What on earth can I possibly do to top that this year?" I mentioned that to Annie, who suggested simply to remember all that I have learned. And I think I've been doing that.

But things keep coming to light for me--as if I'm surprised that I'm still learning things! I am even becoming more aware of things I "knew" some time ago but didn't really "know" until more recently. You know, "There's a pink elephant in the living room, there's a pink elephant in the living room. Oh my God! There's a pink elephant in the living room!!!"

I recently found and started flipping through two old notebooks of rambles to myself. A lot of what was written was from late 1999 through earlier this year. And as I read through it, I was amazed with the number of pink elephants I found.

Perhaps the biggest realization was that I knew these things, yet it was taking me so long to honor them. (Maybe no one else will notice the pink elephant in the living room.) Maybe I didn't believe in pink elephants at the time. Or more probably, I didn't think anyone would believe me if I told them there was a pink elephant in the living room.

So as for the question, What on earth can I possibly learn this year to top last year, I think the very first thing is to learn to remember to honor my thoughts, feelings and beliefs about myself and not let anyone convince me otherwise.

Too often, I second-guess myself based on others' judgments, thoughts and beliefs. But what the heck do they know, huh? Who knows me better than me? I mean, besides God.

Sometimes, I don't give myself enough credit.

Anyway, here's a few things I found in those notebooks that I thought were interesting:

• When you hurt someone, you cannot expect him or her to forgive you.
• Feelings of loss aren't exclusive to death and bereavement.
• Don't believe everything you think. Our minds can play tricks on us. On the other hand, believe with all your being everything you feel. There are fundamental differences between thoughts and feelings. Yet by the same token, don't be ruled by your emotions, for there are also fundamental differences between emotions and your intuition.

You can't go wrong when you listen to your intuition. The most loving thing you can do for yourself is to trust your gut. So many problems can be avoided by honoring it.

Though I guess we're all going through life learning at a different pace, and chances are, nothing I say will have any affect on anyone else's learning process except my own.

Click here for more journals

(or just becuz you like mine)