Get Notified Of Future Updates
Sunday, May 5, 2002
"What future scenes tell you, very accurately, is what you now expect. By magic or design, you're likely to make that happen..." -- Martha Beck
In the Beck book I'm presently reading, Finding Your Own North Star, one of the exercises in it is to write about where you see yourself in the future. In this entry, I do that, combined with what a bunch of fellow online journalers have already done many months ago, writing briefly about their past.
Ten years ago, 1992, I had just started dating Joe. We'd been together just five months. I was 22, he was 26. I was head over heels. He was wonderful and almost too perfect.
I'd started seeing a psychotherapist, because my last boyfriend made me crazy and I really liked Joe and I wanted things to work out with him. I wanted to make sure this relationship was actually healthy for a change.
I wrote in my paper journal every day--that is, until my best friend at the time stopped speaking to me and I was pretty devastated about it; then I was too depressed to write.
I kept lists of my bowling scores; the days I had sex (by September, I was losing track); the books I'd read; the fish I had and when they died; and every movie I'd seen and who I was with when I saw it. I also kept a straw poll of the number of times I'd been to Taco Bell. (21 times by June 8!) I also wrote out some of my dreams.
I saw U2 and Genesis in two separate concerts.
I got my first full-time job after college at a local monthly newspaper for "business and professional women."
I was driving a white 1985 Dodge Charger hatchback.
Five years ago, 1997, Joe and I were engaged. I kept two separate paper journals, one that was supposed to be wedding-planning related. The other I can't find and that's driving me mad! Neither got updated frequently at all. The wedding-planning journal was roughly just 30 pages of journal book paper, compared with two jam-packed journal books five years earlier.
We'd been engaged about five months and finally set a date and picked a place to hold our reception. I looked into 16 different catering halls and it was the 15th that finally made me say rather excitedly, "This is it!"
There were still more than 400 days 'til our wedding. I checked the countdown every so often, but I wasn't obsessive about it.
I was having some second thoughts and really weird wedding dreams, but planning was full speed ahead. I was having a really hard time finding a wedding dress that I liked. I finally found one by November.
I was sharing an apartment with two other girls, Jenn and Jana. Jenn was planning her wedding too; turns out we got engaged the same weekend, and we had a blast planning our weddings together.
Jenn and I met at work. Jenn moved in when the former coworker/roommate moved out to get married. Jana we'd met putting an ad in the paper for a roommate. Our previous roommate was just a teenager--but the sanest we'd found putting an ad in the paper after the roommate before her moved out to get married. The teen, I'll call her, moved out for cheaper rent elsewhere so she could afford college.
I was working for a trade magazine publisher until another company bought it and eliminated my position in July. One month later I took a copy editing job I'd previously turned down, at a company I liked, but working with the most boring, too-serious-for-their-own-good coworkers I've ever known.
I was driving a blue 1989 two-door Pontiac Grand Am LE, with extra features on the dash and with seats that opened up to the trunk in the back, which was unique for a Grand Am LE.
Now, 2002, I'm separating from my husband, with whom I still get along with quite well, but it's clear we're buddies and nothing more.
I co-own a house that Joe will end up becoming sole owner of. We have a great cat and dog. He's keeping the dog; I'm keeping the cat.
I'm working at a job that I can take or leave. I like it some days, hate it other days.
I'm moving to Florida.
I'm taking an antidepressant.
I'm driving a green 1995 Ford Explorer.
Five years from now, 2007, I'm happily remarried and have a baby. We have our own home in a warm climate that may or may not be Florida. You can see the water from our backyard.
I have a job that I like, but being a mom is the job that I love most.
I've been to Europe twice, to either Norway, Sweden, Ireland, Scotland, Denmark, Portugal or England. I've been to California--finally! I've seen the Grand Canyon.
Ten years from now, 2012, I'm still very happily married and have two children--one of which might have been adopted. We have a dog. Daisy is still the best cat, but she's getting old.
I've been out of the country for the third time. Possibly to Australia or Germany or somewhere in Asia or an island in the South Pacific.
I'm working at home, either writing a book or running my own business. I finally resolved myself to becoming an entrepreneur, and I'm liking it much more than I expected to.
This is the best I can do to see myself in the future.
Quote Of The Day:
"Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate accomplishments." -- Napoleon Hill
Worth Noting:
It's really bothering me that I can't find my journals for 1995-1997. It's possible I didn't write in '95 or '96, but despite my infrequent entries in the '90s, I find it hard to believe I didn't write at all those years.
In The Background:
Fast Car, by Tracy Chapman
