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Dear Kate,
| Quote Of The Day: "Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished." -- Og Mandino |
| Background Music: "All I Ever Have To Be" |
| Today's High: The e-card I got from Annie. |
| Today's Low: Arguing with Joe about house work. Grrrrr. |
Sometimes I don't write because I want to have things all figured out before I write about them. It's like I have to know the answers, and I hate when I'm stuck on something that I can't figure out. I'm too hard on myself sometimes, or maybe most times.
I just want everything to be perfect.
I'm a copy editor by day, for crying out loud; I'm supposed to make writing perfect. I'm forgiving of my staff but not myself. I'm my worst critic.
I'm afraid that people will realize I'm not perfect. OK, stop laughing. Stop! Rather, I'm afraid that people will realize I'm so imperfect that I'm not worthy, or something.
I just want to feel worthy--of my pay check, for one. Of someone's friendship. Of love. Of nice things.
But when I'm stuck on something, I'm just stuck. I can't let go, and I don't know why I just won't. I want to figure it out already.
I remembered this morning, though--as if I were experiencing a moment of tenderness toward myself: I don't HAVE to figure it out. Everything is going to be OK, no matter what. No matter what events unfold in my life, I will be OK. No matter what I experience, I will be OK. And it doesn't matter how the chips fall, because regardless, I will be OK. Things don't have to go the way I think they will, and they certainly don't have to go the way I want them to. But no matter, I will be OK.
I have to remind myself of that more often. I have to worry less and just let things flow.
And when I figure out how to do that, I will let you know.
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